My god! Only 1 week left until Christmas.

I can't really tell whether I'm excited or not. I haven't decided whether I want to go to the boy's family thing on Christmas day or just spend the day with him. He's warned me that it's pretty far up in the Northern Beaches and also that there'll be all white people and he has hinted that they're a bit racist but probably won't be racist to my face. I wish he didn't give me a choice and said that he wanted to go. Rather than that it's up to me and he's indifferent. Sigh.

But Christmas Eve we'll be spending with my family and we're going to have a dinner! It's going to be fun :) I hope we have a follow up beach day for New years. Well, maybe 1 week after New Years cause I want the boy to be there too :( But he won't be back until the 6th. Sad.

So Sunday! Woke up early yet again - this is making me pretty tired. Brekky and then games of course haha. I was supposed to go down and have brekky with my parents but I skipped out cause my sister was lazy and I was lazy. So bad. But I'll be seeing my mum on Christmas Eve for dinner, maybe I'll do brekky with my dad on Christmas Eve as well.

After games, the boy asked me what was for lunch...

Okay, the thing is. He starting his cooking duty week on Monday night after eating all my food and I had to starve on Monday. During that week, I was out one night and we had events on 2 nights so he didn't even provide much. Especially since he didn't even buy any lunch food for me on the days I was at home. It's Sunday today so shouldn't it still be his turn? And then he just demands food...

We ended up having a talk and I told him about how I was really annoyed about how he's just demanding food like that and the food incident when he moved in. He said he understands and that he's really sorry. It made me feel better letting him know and getting it off my chest. We talked about it and discussed arrangements, which didn't change other than next week we'll fend for ourselves since he's leaving midweek to visit his brother. This week is still up to me to provide. Which I ended up deciding that it's fine. It's just a week or two.

It has been an annoying day. When we played Evolution, what happens is that we build species and the aim of the game is to survive and gain points. You have a choice of creating a carnivore which eats other people's species and can kill them off. I'm usually the feeding ground for carnivores since I don't tend to get the right cards or they just always decide to kill me off. I know i'm shit at the game, but a lot of the times, they just repetitively attack me so I always die off.

This ONE game where I decide to have a carnivore, everyone was pretty much defended except one of my sister's species and her boyfriend's species. Her boyfriend also had a carnivore as well that could have attacked my species but he attacked her. I thought he was just saving me till later and also trying to starve me off from food so when it was my turn... I was like.. well, I need to feed 3 times, and my sister has one, and he has a dangerous carnivore that can eat me and eat my food. Duh the logical choice was to attack him to defend my food and myself. So I attacked him. I didn't even kill him off when I could have. I spared him. And then when I fed again, he ate on my sister's defenseless one. Besides, even if I didn't eat his carnivore, I didn't have any other choice than to eat one of his other species anyway. Since if I ate my sister, there would be no food left for him so he'll most definitely eat me.

This may sound like gibberish to you, but it was really annoying cause my sister and her boyfriend got all salty. Being like "Mai, you were really mean to Moz when he was nice to you and didn't attack you." I was like what the fuck? I had no other logical choice than to attack him. My only other option was to attack my sister and then be attacked by him. I mean, he even admitted later on that he was just trying to manipulate me into teaming up with him, meaning he would have attacked me if he had the chance later on and I wouldn't put it past Moz to make the exact decision I had. Plus, so it seems like when Mai's the feeding ground it's fine and when I get salty I'm a sore loser, but when anyone else get's attacked by me I'm being mean? What the fuck is this. I was really angry and the way they confronted me on a perfectly justified decision was just upsetting.

I hate playing with them cause it's all fine and dandy when things go their way but when the loser seems to be making some progress and they seem to be losing, shit is not okay. ANYWAY I didn't even win! Her boyfriend won because they ganged up on me later. It's so stupid.

Anyway, I was really in a bad mood after that game. And the talk with my boy added to the fire. I went grocery shopping and I missed the bus cause it decided to come early and I was waiting for the lights to change to cross the road as the bus ran past me so I ended up having to walk to the shops in the cold and wind. Even more annoyed. Shopping and everyone was walking like turtles. Annoying. And then I missed my bus home by 2 minutes cause there was a super long line at the check out and people did stuff so slowly and I had to walk home AGAIN, this time with two heavy bags. Soooooooooooooooo annoying.

I ended up cancelling on a catch up with my friend cause I was in no state to go anywhere. All I wanted to do was curl up in bed and call this day a dud and write it off. I don't know why I was in such a bad mood. Things just kept piling on and I couldn't find it in me to shrug it off.

Anyway, I cooked dinner and things started looking up after that. We watched the anime movie called "Your Name" or "Kimi no na wa." and it's pretty friggen good. Made me cry at the end. I feel like there was a big build up and the story was pretty touching and pretty relevant to what I'm going through at the moment.

----------SPOILER ALERT!-----------------



So the movie's about a girl who lives in the countryside of Japan and a guy who lives in Tokyo. When they go to sleep, they sometimes switch bodies for a day at random. At first it was like light and fluffy, she would live his life and he would live hers, they quickly caught onto what was happening and found a way to communicate cause they would have no idea what the other did while they were in their body. If that makes any sense.

So each decided to keep a diary to record what they did over the day. So that when they returned to their correct bodies, they can read the diary and know what the other did.

Needless to say, they eventually fell in love. But here comes the problem. I always thought how stupid cause wouldn't the first thing you do is call your own number and exchange numbers so you can consult each other immediately? At least that's what I'd do. But let's just ignore that plothole. One day, they both realise that they love the other afterall and the boy decides to call her (finally) but the number won't connect. After that, the body switching stopped as well... and he starts to wonder whether it was all just a dream. Except he has the diary entries made by her left on his phone and he can remember clearly what that countryside looked like to the point that he was able to accurately sketch out the scenery. And my god are his drawings too pretty to be drawn based on memory. LOL

Here's where things get a little bit weird, so he goes on a search for her, but for some reason after all that time body switching and living somewhere you don't know, he didn't find out where she lived?! Not the town name, not the school name? Nothing? So weird. Anyway, he does his research based on these drawings that he drew trying to go on a wild goose hunt for the place so he can meet up with her.

Only later to find that the place he was looking for was destroyed by a comet 3 years ago. But she was still switching bodies with him up until 2 weeks ago. Say whaaaaaaaaaaat? Different time dimensions? Shieee. And he finds out that she had died. So that explains why the switching had stopped, cause that's the day that the comet hit her town and killed her.

So he goes on a crazy spiritual god thing and tries to reconnect with her so he can save her before the comet hits. Things get crazy. She ends up surviving but because the experience is so out of this world... they both forget what really happened. They don't remember the switching bodies or anything but after they separated, all they remember is that they were looking for something, someone, some place and it's really important to them but they don't know what, who or where.

They just had some strange feeling that they were missing something.

And so, they lived 5 years like this. Yearning for something. Waking up and feeling like they're missing something. And it was so goddamn sad! They tried so hard! They had so much fun! So why is it that they had to forget? After the incident, she moved to Tokyo and they end up brushing past each other a few times and it was so frustrating. I just wanted to yell and say OMG she's right there! Get her get her get her!

And they ended up meeting up but even then, they didn't really recognise each other, just that feeling where you get and you think "Hey, have we met somewhere before?" cause they don't remember anything about each other - not the memories, not the switching, not what they look like, not their names.

I was crying so hard when they finally reunited. Crying out of happiness that they got to be happy. But I also wanted to cry out of sadness. Cause that is probs something I won't get to have unless there's going to be some miracle.





-------------------SPOILER END-----------------------

Three things I'm grateful for:

1. The time we have together
2. Great movie nights - I fucking love movies
3. My feelings for you