COURAGE

My god! Only 1 week left until Christmas.

I can't really tell whether I'm excited or not. I haven't decided whether I want to go to the boy's family thing on Christmas day or just spend the day with him. He's warned me that it's pretty far up in the Northern Beaches and also that there'll be all white people and he has hinted that they're a bit racist but probably won't be racist to my face. I wish he didn't give me a choice and said that he wanted to go. Rather than that it's up to me and he's indifferent. Sigh.

But Christmas Eve we'll be spending with my family and we're going to have a dinner! It's going to be fun :) I hope we have a follow up beach day for New years. Well, maybe 1 week after New Years cause I want the boy to be there too :( But he won't be back until the 6th. Sad.

So Sunday! Woke up early yet again - this is making me pretty tired. Brekky and then games of course haha. I was supposed to go down and have brekky with my parents but I skipped out cause my sister was lazy and I was lazy. So bad. But I'll be seeing my mum on Christmas Eve for dinner, maybe I'll do brekky with my dad on Christmas Eve as well.

After games, the boy asked me what was for lunch...

Okay, the thing is. He starting his cooking duty week on Monday night after eating all my food and I had to starve on Monday. During that week, I was out one night and we had events on 2 nights so he didn't even provide much. Especially since he didn't even buy any lunch food for me on the days I was at home. It's Sunday today so shouldn't it still be his turn? And then he just demands food...

We ended up having a talk and I told him about how I was really annoyed about how he's just demanding food like that and the food incident when he moved in. He said he understands and that he's really sorry. It made me feel better letting him know and getting it off my chest. We talked about it and discussed arrangements, which didn't change other than next week we'll fend for ourselves since he's leaving midweek to visit his brother. This week is still up to me to provide. Which I ended up deciding that it's fine. It's just a week or two.

It has been an annoying day. When we played Evolution, what happens is that we build species and the aim of the game is to survive and gain points. You have a choice of creating a carnivore which eats other people's species and can kill them off. I'm usually the feeding ground for carnivores since I don't tend to get the right cards or they just always decide to kill me off. I know i'm shit at the game, but a lot of the times, they just repetitively attack me so I always die off.

This ONE game where I decide to have a carnivore, everyone was pretty much defended except one of my sister's species and her boyfriend's species. Her boyfriend also had a carnivore as well that could have attacked my species but he attacked her. I thought he was just saving me till later and also trying to starve me off from food so when it was my turn... I was like.. well, I need to feed 3 times, and my sister has one, and he has a dangerous carnivore that can eat me and eat my food. Duh the logical choice was to attack him to defend my food and myself. So I attacked him. I didn't even kill him off when I could have. I spared him. And then when I fed again, he ate on my sister's defenseless one. Besides, even if I didn't eat his carnivore, I didn't have any other choice than to eat one of his other species anyway. Since if I ate my sister, there would be no food left for him so he'll most definitely eat me.

This may sound like gibberish to you, but it was really annoying cause my sister and her boyfriend got all salty. Being like "Mai, you were really mean to Moz when he was nice to you and didn't attack you." I was like what the fuck? I had no other logical choice than to attack him. My only other option was to attack my sister and then be attacked by him. I mean, he even admitted later on that he was just trying to manipulate me into teaming up with him, meaning he would have attacked me if he had the chance later on and I wouldn't put it past Moz to make the exact decision I had. Plus, so it seems like when Mai's the feeding ground it's fine and when I get salty I'm a sore loser, but when anyone else get's attacked by me I'm being mean? What the fuck is this. I was really angry and the way they confronted me on a perfectly justified decision was just upsetting.

I hate playing with them cause it's all fine and dandy when things go their way but when the loser seems to be making some progress and they seem to be losing, shit is not okay. ANYWAY I didn't even win! Her boyfriend won because they ganged up on me later. It's so stupid.

Anyway, I was really in a bad mood after that game. And the talk with my boy added to the fire. I went grocery shopping and I missed the bus cause it decided to come early and I was waiting for the lights to change to cross the road as the bus ran past me so I ended up having to walk to the shops in the cold and wind. Even more annoyed. Shopping and everyone was walking like turtles. Annoying. And then I missed my bus home by 2 minutes cause there was a super long line at the check out and people did stuff so slowly and I had to walk home AGAIN, this time with two heavy bags. Soooooooooooooooo annoying.

I ended up cancelling on a catch up with my friend cause I was in no state to go anywhere. All I wanted to do was curl up in bed and call this day a dud and write it off. I don't know why I was in such a bad mood. Things just kept piling on and I couldn't find it in me to shrug it off.

Anyway, I cooked dinner and things started looking up after that. We watched the anime movie called "Your Name" or "Kimi no na wa." and it's pretty friggen good. Made me cry at the end. I feel like there was a big build up and the story was pretty touching and pretty relevant to what I'm going through at the moment.

----------SPOILER ALERT!-----------------



So the movie's about a girl who lives in the countryside of Japan and a guy who lives in Tokyo. When they go to sleep, they sometimes switch bodies for a day at random. At first it was like light and fluffy, she would live his life and he would live hers, they quickly caught onto what was happening and found a way to communicate cause they would have no idea what the other did while they were in their body. If that makes any sense.

So each decided to keep a diary to record what they did over the day. So that when they returned to their correct bodies, they can read the diary and know what the other did.

Needless to say, they eventually fell in love. But here comes the problem. I always thought how stupid cause wouldn't the first thing you do is call your own number and exchange numbers so you can consult each other immediately? At least that's what I'd do. But let's just ignore that plothole. One day, they both realise that they love the other afterall and the boy decides to call her (finally) but the number won't connect. After that, the body switching stopped as well... and he starts to wonder whether it was all just a dream. Except he has the diary entries made by her left on his phone and he can remember clearly what that countryside looked like to the point that he was able to accurately sketch out the scenery. And my god are his drawings too pretty to be drawn based on memory. LOL

Here's where things get a little bit weird, so he goes on a search for her, but for some reason after all that time body switching and living somewhere you don't know, he didn't find out where she lived?! Not the town name, not the school name? Nothing? So weird. Anyway, he does his research based on these drawings that he drew trying to go on a wild goose hunt for the place so he can meet up with her.

Only later to find that the place he was looking for was destroyed by a comet 3 years ago. But she was still switching bodies with him up until 2 weeks ago. Say whaaaaaaaaaaat? Different time dimensions? Shieee. And he finds out that she had died. So that explains why the switching had stopped, cause that's the day that the comet hit her town and killed her.

So he goes on a crazy spiritual god thing and tries to reconnect with her so he can save her before the comet hits. Things get crazy. She ends up surviving but because the experience is so out of this world... they both forget what really happened. They don't remember the switching bodies or anything but after they separated, all they remember is that they were looking for something, someone, some place and it's really important to them but they don't know what, who or where.

They just had some strange feeling that they were missing something.

And so, they lived 5 years like this. Yearning for something. Waking up and feeling like they're missing something. And it was so goddamn sad! They tried so hard! They had so much fun! So why is it that they had to forget? After the incident, she moved to Tokyo and they end up brushing past each other a few times and it was so frustrating. I just wanted to yell and say OMG she's right there! Get her get her get her!

And they ended up meeting up but even then, they didn't really recognise each other, just that feeling where you get and you think "Hey, have we met somewhere before?" cause they don't remember anything about each other - not the memories, not the switching, not what they look like, not their names.

I was crying so hard when they finally reunited. Crying out of happiness that they got to be happy. But I also wanted to cry out of sadness. Cause that is probs something I won't get to have unless there's going to be some miracle.





-------------------SPOILER END-----------------------

Three things I'm grateful for:

1. The time we have together
2. Great movie nights - I fucking love movies
3. My feelings for you

How have you guys been? I hope you're enjoying your life wherever you are.

It's Saturday today and I know I said I kinda like being able to wake up early and make the most of my day, but being woken up super early at 8am is more than a bit annoying on a Saturday when I just want to sleep in.

Anyway, we were woken up but stupid housemates who don't know how to keep their voices down in the morning knowing people are probs still asleep. To them they probably think, "oh, it's 8am. It's an acceptable time to be up and so I can make all the noise and be as loud as I want". Again, inconsideration. I hate it with a passion.

Breakfast. Played boardgames. I still keep losing but sometimes I don't come last and my scores are getting higher, so I suppose I'm improving?

I made scones today. That was a super fail. I think it's cause I didn't roll it out thick enough and overbaked it by a minute or two? I don't know but the scones didn't rise and it was tough. It was basically bread. I was really disappointed. And then I fed it to the boy and my sister and her boyfriend. And the boy just laughed at me. It was pretty rude tbh. He didn't get anymore than the half I gave him. It hurt that he just laughed and it wasn't a small "oh, don't be silly" laugh. It was a full HA HA HA HA laugh and he couldn't stop. I'm like what the fuck? isn't this time for you to either, comfort me by saying, "Nah it's okay" or give me some constructive feedback?

I would have been okay if he just agreed and said "Yeah, it's a bit hard, maybe take it out earlier next time?" which was what my sister said. All he did was laugh. So he doesn't deserve any more of my baking. Not like he's losing out on much. Well, it wasn't SOOO bad after you top it with my jam and the cream I whipped. But it was still pretty tough.

After baking, we played a few more games and then got ready for his Christmas party.

I wore my full white outfit again. He really liked it last time I wore it, but his reaction this time was a little underwhelming. Sigh. Boo. We were running a little late and have to powerwalk to the station and my god it was humid! By the time we got to the station, we were both sweating but thank god for the AC on the train.

I spent the ride trying to tie his tie to it would fit him. It was always too long or too short. Urgh, swear tying a tie in highschool wasn't as hard. But I ended up producing a nice pretty tie that he wore. It gave me little fuzzies being able to tie his tie for him. It's just something I've always dreamed of when I was a kid. Getting married and tying your husbands tie. You know that scene that I'm talking about. I think that's why I've always been a little obsessed with having a tie as part of my highschool uniform. But I defs won't be a stay home wife. I'll have my own career and be independent.

The party was pretty fancy. Like my work Christmas party (which I missed cause I had to study), it was at the MCA. I'm glad I didn't wear heels though, there weren't any chairs around and after two hours of standing around, my feet were killing me and I was just wearing flats! It's insane. The food was good. They kept bringing around the same things in the beginning and I loaded up on it; peking duck, tuna thing and calamari. And I loaded up on the wine. So I was pretty sad that the really food came later and I was too full by then. I just had a bite of the risotto. But I also spied on some curry fried rice and burgers and fish and chips that were floating around and I missed it :(

The boy said that he was going to the party to load up on food and will leave and doesn't feel like socialising but my fucking god I knew he was lying. He made his rounds I was exhausted. I ended up staying with some girls I knew from my society for a bit while he was making talk with people he knew. I just felt awkward standing around and not having anything to contribute to the conversation.

Only later, he introduced me to his team members and I met his leader and managed to get some networking done. Got his business card. Wheew! Will be shooting him an email soon... or maybe I should wait until the new year? I'm not sure.

Anyway, we managed to catch some dessert coming around, again, super shame that I was still full but I had one of the chocolate mousse, cherry thing and it was divine. I love dessert. Then we headed home, thank god. Except it's cold out now and I didn't bring a jacket. Double sigh.

Got home and I am exhausted! Going to conk out now.

Three things I'm grateful for:

1. Warmth and shelter of my home
2. The opportunity to go to a work Christmas party cause I missed out on mine.
3. The kind comments I got from everyone about my nails and my outfit. It was very flattering :)

I've been feeling a little under the weather lately, which makes me just want to snuggle up in bed.

I woke up early for work. Work was a tedious ordeal. I have a list of stupid tasks I need to do but my boss came and asked me to go to a different department to help them out since they're kinda pushed for time to meet the deadline. With the break coming everyone is either just dragging their feet and waiting for it to come, or busy running about trying to meet deadlines and finish up work.

I'm pretty indifferent really. Anyway, so my boss asked me to work in the Property department which made me kinda feel like someone's bitch where she can just pawn me off and my work was not important, which is true but still. It's a shit place to be. And it's not like the experience in great either. God, I don't want to be in my team anymore. I want to do something else that's better for my future.

For lunch, I usually meet up with the boy but today he had decided to plan a group lunch. I was kinda annoyed since he didn't ask me whether I wanted to, but didn't tell me that we're not going to do lunch. He just didn't consider me. He does that a lot lately and it's annoying.

I wonder if I'm not enjoying it anymore? Since I've been getting annoyed a lot lately, shouldn't I be feeling over the moon?

We went to Jimmy's for the first time since it's been under reno for the past half year. The food there is pretty worth. I think they'll be my go to from now on.

After work, I stayed for a drink and a snack at the Friday night drinks and then headed home.

Oh! I totally forgot to say, but my company gave me a huge box and a gift card as an early Christmas present! Really generous gift and I'm supa happy about it. My position may be the biggest drag ever but the one thing that keeps me with my company is the benefits are great. Not much of a reason really, but since I have no back up at the moment, it will have to do.

I opened it when I got home and had dinner and pretty much just conked out. Work tires me out, not cause it's physically or mentally challenging, but because it's not.

Three things I'm grateful for:

1. The company's generosity
2. The comfort of my bed after a long day
3. 1hr lunch breaks

Heyo heyo!

It was a pretty chill day yesterday. I woke up and bummed around in bed for most of the morning and then started doing some researching for inspiration for my Christmas nails. I think I hyped up my nails a bit too much. Usually I would do something more Christmas themed to celebrate the event, but this year I went with something more neutral. I still like it very much but it isn't really Christmassy other than that it's red haha. Guess it's good enough as long as it makes me happy.

But goddamn painting designs on your nails is fuarking hard! Especially when you don't have the appropriate tools. I just wanted to paint a line or two and had to cut up thin strips of sticky tape to make the lines straight. It was the biggest pain in the back ever. Literally. It took sooooooo long but one I started I couldn't not finish since I had an event on at night too so I had to do it. Can't rock up with pink tinged nails looking like I shoved it up my vag during that time of the month. Too visual? Too bad.

Anyway, finally got it done and I'm pretty proud of it. Well, ignoring the fact that i managed to scratch it not even 1hr later, it's pretty good...from a distance.

And then I realised that the event I was going to wasn't at 6:30pm but 6pm and I was going to be super late. The boy got angry at me. Which kinda half ruined my mood. It was an honest mistake. I seriously didn't realise. And it was funny cause he messaged me to tell me he was going to be late, but he wasn't...but ignoring that - he thought he was going to be late as well so what the hell.

The night improved though, after he got over it. The event was at this really cool warehouse place which an architecture company owned in Alexandria. Free drinks and yummy fingerfood. I wanted to get trashed but it wasn't really the atmosphere for it and no one would drink with me. The boy kinda taught me how to box dance and circle dance? I'm not sure how to describe it. It was kinda cute :)


But the event ended later than we thought it would and i think he was sulking and angry at me for some reason. It ruined my mood for the rest of the night and upset me. We all had work the next day and was tired but idk why he had to take it out on me and ignore me the whole night. He was pretty standoffish and the whole way home he just ignored me even when going to bed.

Sigh. Sometimes, especially when he treats me like that, I start to think that maybe this has become too difficult and troublesome. Because it's not fun when he hurts me and makes me sad.

Needless to say, I had a shitty sleep and woke up shitty.


Three things I'm grateful for:

1. My umbrella
2. My blue coat - getting slightly ratty but still serving me well
3. My leather (waterproof) boots.

Omgosh guys, I had the biggest day ever (exaggeration) and I think this has been the most productive and best day since the start of my holidays haha.

The boy goes to work everyday so I pretty much get woken up really early as well since he doesn't really get ready quietly.

Woke up early, I bummed in bed for a bit and then I got ready to go to the beach! YAY! It was humid and cloudy so means that at least I wouldn't get burnt, but it was so overcast that it wasn't too beach-inspiring.

Around 10am, someone came to finally friggen buy my bed frame. Finally got rid of that shiet. So happy and now I have cash munz as well. Whoopie!

I waited for my friend to give me the go that she was ready to meet up and then we finally made our way to Bondi. It has been eons since I've been to the beach. We made a detour to Westfield since she wanted to visit a friend and we ended up having yumcha at Zilver. It was pretty good there. A bit more expensive than my usual yumcha in Cabramatta but it was well worth it cause I always crave yumcha. That and pho. God. So good.

By the time we went to the beach it started to sprinkle a little HAHAHA God so phail whale. But we had fun. Went for a quick dip, had photoshoots of each other and just chatted. It was a great day. I definitely need to go back to the beach on a sunny day during this holidays cause I can barely call that a proper beach trip. The water felt like it was iced. It was ridic. But we braved it and dipped in anyway cause we trekked it all the way there, can't come back without collecting some salt and sand up our asses.

I had fun :)

On the way back, we went past a few street artworks and took photos and met one the the artists!! He even took photos of us and posted it on his instie. So cool! I really like that photo! Look up @bondiworld and you can see me heeheehee.

I got really hungry on the way back but I held it in cause there was food at home and I was getting really tired so I just wanted to go home and crash.

Got home and ate and then got suckered into playing boardgames until late haha. We're all so hooked on Evolution it's crazy but I'm so fucking shit at it. Seriously! None of my carnivores ever survive one round, I basically just waste cards on it only for it to not be able to eat anything and die. And why the fuck am I always the friggen feeding ground for other carnivores. I need to up my defences. Maybe I'll go do some secret training later haha

Yep. That was basically my day. After that we went to bed and I crashed hard. Only to be woken up again this morning bright and early cause the boy had to go to work urgh.

On the bright side (because it's always important to look on the bright side), waking up early gives me more time to bum around and make the most of my holidays cause my days are so much longer. Too many animes to be watched, stories to be ready, nails to be painted and people to talk to and catch up with :D

Three things I'm grateful for:

1. Having a photo buddy who will take photos for you and wants photos taken of them
2. Time
3. That I was finally able to sell my bed frame - it was just an eyesore taking up space in my room

Ladies and gents,

I promised and I'm here to deliver :D So happy I remembered to do this :D Aren't you proud of me?

So after my post, I got ready and headed to uni. Did I tell you I was meeting up with someone who was going to sell me their second hand Jenga set?!?!?!?! Oh my god. I am soooo excited. I've been dying to get a Jenga set SINCE FOREVERRRR. I'm so happy I have one now and guess how much I got it for!! FIVE-FRICKEN-DORRAS!

I just got home and checked up on the blocks and they're perfect. No marks, no cracks. I thought for sure, for that price, it's gotta have some defect somewhere, but NOPEE It's perf <3

The exam was kinda fuarkt to be completely honest. This lecturer is a 100% sadist. Anyway, can't do much about that now. Just gotta hope for the best I suppose.

After the exam, I met up with one of my girl friends and dragged her to a bar to have a drink. We just mostly spent the time catching up and bitching and ranting haha it was a good session. I had a steak! It was surprisingly good for $13.50. At Sanctuary Hotel btw. Had a long island ice tea. And the bartender was quite cute too lelelelelel. I think I do have a thing for white boiz idk. But this guy had a beard. Weird cause I usually don't have a thing for beards but I guess my opinion may have changed about it due to recent events. They're still itchy af though but it may not be too bad on the eyes sometimes.

After my catch up, I started feeling really sleepy so I made my way home. I wanted to get sloshed tonight, but I guess my body just isn't up to it.

Home now and chilling in bed. Yeah, not much else to say really. Twas a super hot day today. I was sweating like a pig in the oven.

I'm really looking forward to the holidays now. I have lots of things I want to do and have planned heehee. Maybe I'll tell you more about it tomorrow but for now I'll probs just continue chill in bed for a bit more.

Three things I'm grateful for:

1. My fan
2. Alcohol
3. My friends

Yo,

Yep. I lied. It's late again. But whatevs. I didn't do much yesterday other than languidly revise for my exam today. After the whole rant yesterday, I think I've calmed down a little about the food situation. It's only a little bit of food afterall. I'll just deal with it if it seems to become a habit, but if it's just a one off, then there's no need to be upset about it.

I'm really worried about my exam today cause I haven't really been hardcore studying. Holidays has mellowed what little drive I have to study. Seriously hope I'll be okay. But oh well, que sera sera.

I think I'm getting sick. My nose is running a marathon. I've been taking multi-vitamin gummies lately. Other than wanting to have a legit excuse to eat lollies, I thought that stuff would help with my shitty immune system, but it doesn't seem to be doing much.

Not sure what else I could do. I'm not the healthiest to start off with and it's just so much effort to be consciously healthy all the time, you know? Guess I should start off with drinking more water, I'm always dehydrated (cracked lips and all, ick).

It's going to be another hot day today. Dread. My room gets the morning sun, so as I'm typing at the moment, I can feel the heat bearing down on me.

I've been recently trying to reconnect with one of my girl friends that I used to have a while back. I'm pretty happy about it. We used to have common interests, and from what I can see, we still have it. Maybe. We've got a date set up to go watch Aladdin the musical :) Keen as a bean.

Did I tell you I burnt myself the other day at work on the milk frother? I wasn't really paying attention and leaned on the thing. It's fucking surprisingly lethal! I think that was on Friday last week and I still have the burn mark now. Hope it goes away.

Anyway, I shall leave you now as I should really be last minute cramming for my exam rather than making a blog post lol. But before I do, I've decided that I shall end my posts for Blogmas on a positive note with 3 things I'm grateful for:

1. The people who love me
2. Being able to support myself and be independent
3. As much as I hate the heat, I'm grateful for the sun
4. BONUS: Having free time and the holidays.

Hey guys,

Haha, so I was planning to do a Christmas countdown for two weeks, but I totes missed yesterday cause it was really busy so I forgot.

I've been lazily studying for my summer exam cause I just can't be bothered. It's really worrying cause it's a pretty difficult subject but I just can't find the motivation to study. I'm really burnt out :( I hope this feeling will go away before New Years cause in Jan I have a summer subject then too. Horray! Not.

Big things happened yesterday. The boy moved in yesterday. I'm kinda worried cause I don't think I really thought this through and really understood what I got myself into.

• Space. I didn't realise he would need so much space - he has some stuff on the floor and I think I feel claustrophobic and cluttered. I may be overreacting cause I haven't shared a room with someone in a while.
• Food wars. For lunch, he suddenly announced that he was going to have my migoreng... and that irked me cause he didn't even ask if he could have it. Later, I go out for dinner with my fam and I told him there's ingredients for pizza in the fridge (something I've been rationing for my food until my exam but I gave it to him since he doesn't have any food). My usual pizza is a quick pasta sauce, capsicum, mushroom and cheese and he knows this. But when I was out, I get a message from him saying that he ate most of my food supplies. Dafaq? I come home and the salami is gone and a tomato is gone - so I now have no ingredients left for a sandwich. We ate my migoreng for lunch so there's none of that left. Basically, I don't have much left to sustain myself. I'm really annoyed. I went to ask him what happened and he told me that he decided to add salami and tomato on the pizza as well... but the thing is... the pizza already has pasta base so why the fuck does he need tomatoes? And he finished the tomato too. Why was it so necessary to add these ingredients to make it fancier when it wasn't even going to fill him up much more but was just going to cause me inconvenience? The pizza base is tiny. It can't even hold that much.
• The thing that shits me the most, and I only realised this morning, is that he didn't even bother to ask if it was okay to use more of my food rather than sticking to the usual recipe that I allocated it. But all I get is a message that he's already eaten it AFTER he's used it. I mean, it's not like he just took a bit and there's some left. He finished it off. You'd think he'd realise maybe not leaving any left for me would be a problem. But no. First signs of inconsideration and that's a trait that I absolutely hate. I'm super annoyed. We've decided that we'll take turns cooking per week... but I'm starting to think maybe if this is the attitude he's going to take regarding my food supplies, we'd be better off cooking separately.
• I'm also worried because by spending so much time together, I'm already seeing that he's just not as appreciative of my presence. There's no looking forward to seeing me, the enthusiastic and attentiveness. He used to just always wants to stay by me, but lately he's just been off on his own. Like last night was my sister's birthday and I actually really wanted him to go to meet her since he'll be there for Christmas dinner. I think he picked up on the fact that I wanted him there, but he ended up saying that he'll stay home and I think it's cause Moz was staying home. But the thing is, Moz is different, he doesn't care what our fam expects of him or thinks of him and I'd rather he don't follow that cause it makes him look bad and makes me feel uncomfortable when my fam had made such conclusions about him - that he cbb to put in effort. I felt a little disappointed.
• I'm torn. On one hand I'm happy we get to spend so much time together, on the other, I know I'm going to become even more attached but the fact that he isn't going to be here long term kinda just hurts but I'm trying not to think about it and just enjoy what little time we have left.