Mid-exam limbo

11:35:00 AM

So I got over the gruesome hurdle of my 3 exams in two days.

Wednesday

After my exam, I stayed back at uni to study with some friends and I swear to god, I nearly had a mental breakdown. I was soooo so so so so overwhelmed and stressed out. But my friends stuck by me and helped pull me through.
It was a major effort. And I wasn't convinced I was going to be okay but I kept telling myself that every minute spent stressing is a minute that I could have learnt something helpful in the exam wasted. If that makes sense.
I stayed up so late that night studying. Didn't get home until 3am. Only had a 3hour sleep since I needed to get up for my morning exam.

Thursday

I was so surprised I was alive and functioning. I felt the fatigue... but I think I was running on adrenaline since my mind seemed to be clear and awake. LOL
How'd I go? Honestly, I think I failed one of my exams. Urgh. Like really, I just felt so awful in the exam. It was unbelievable. I know heaps of people say that failing isn't the end, it doesn't matter. Just try again. But it doesn't change the fact that it makes you feel super shitty. And it's stuck on your transcript.
I hope I'm just being overly pessimistic, but I feel like this time I've run out of luck.
I heard a friend tell me how shit his exam was and I think I can relate. He said, it's the case where in the exam you try your best to throw as much shit as possible at the wall and hope it sticks? Well, he said that he doesn't think he threw enough shit in order for him to pass.

Anyway, after that shitty double exam day on Thursday, I caught up with a friend and had some much needed cake. Watermelon cake at Black Star Cafe in Kinokuniya Books. So yum. It was nice catching up with her.
I've been starting to feel really secluded these days. It's really lonely.
I also found out that all my law friends are going overseas during the holidays... I don't know what I'll do with myself. I wish I was also travelling somewhere during the holidays

It's not like I don't have ANYTHING to do. In fact, I have a lot of options on my list:

Road trip with my Enggfriends
I also want to plan a hike
There's this camp that I was invited to go to
Work
Shop for glasses, get a wax, get my nails done, dye my hair, get a piercing
I'm tossing up going to Melbourne for a weekend.
List of movies that I want to watch (i.e binge in bed)
Learn more about photography, history and posing for photos
I want to start vlogging...
Be more active and exercise!

Lots of things to do this holidays! It's just that I also wanted to go out during the break as well and having half my friends overseas kinda makes that difficult.

You plague me at every turn and I just want to erase your existence from my mind and my life.
I fell asleep on the train. It was so surreal, I thought it'd miss my stop since I kept drifting in and out of sleep but I didn't. Which is cool.
I thought I was going to conk out when I got home, but I guess it's a force of habit lately to stay up late. I eventually fell asleep at 12am.

Friday

I don't know why I was so stupid as to sign up for work during this period. Honestly, I just wanted to be at home, curled up in bed.
I still have an exam in about 1 weeks' time to study for as well. Why the heck did I think working during this time would be a good idea?! Oh right, for the money I missed out when I took off work. Sigh
I guess it's okay, but the whole day I felt so... anxious. Like worried, but I don't know what I'm worrying about. It was really annoying that I couldn't figure it out and it made me stress even more. LOL.
I wonder if I have some kind of anxiety disorder. I told a friend and she said that the exam period does that.
I keep worrying about EVERYTHING. I'm such a worrywart. I don't know how I can fix that habit though. It seriously isn't healthy to worry so much.
I think maybe if I become more active... I can clear my mind? Idk, healthy body, healthy mind kinda thing? It can't hurt right? But how do I even get active? LOL
After work, I went to explore Vivid with a friend. Hahaha, I swear this friendship was so random. For some reason, I like it that none of my other friends know him.
Vivid was AMAZING! I'll post up some photos later... if I remember. But it was so fun.
I wanted to take more photos of myself. Artistic photos mind you, but I don't know how to pose so I just took ones of the display. Typical? I know. Before you assume that I'm narcissistic or something. It's not that. I feel like if I take photos with me in it, it would be more personal. It would be different than simply a stock standard photo you can Google up, you know?

Saturday

I practically spent all of Saturday in bed. I was so tired. Just didn't want to do anything.
I thought it was supposed to storm but it ended up being sunny all day.
Should have done my laundry and went grocery shopping. I now have no food at home.

Today: Sunday!

Today I need to start studying for my exam since I have work on Tuesday again. So really, I only have about 3.5 days left to study for this one. Which I think should be okay if I just focus since it's an MCQ exam with no calculations. I should rely on this fact too much since there's a penalty if you get a question wrong and memorisation might take a bit more time.
Sigh. I still have no food at home. Not sure what I'm going to do today. And it's also raining out now... it hasn't picked up yet... so maybe I can still head out and get some food before it gets too bad.
I braided my hair last night and slept on it. Hope it'll be all nice and wavy/curly when I untie it. I wanted to experiment with styling my hair more regularly since I'm getting bored of my typical style.

Anyway, I should leave it as that.

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