Hey guys,

I'm procrastinating again. I stayed up so late to cram study last night for my exam today. Running on 2hrs sleep. I am so over studying haha I say that so often but really I am.

I'm just going to have a little of a mind vomit today. I can't really be bothered to format and keep things short. So some random thoughts for today. Oh, btw I think I may have done well on the exam today... okay, maybe not WELL but like I think I did okay. I wasn't toooooo lost and I kinda knew what the exam wanted but the thing was that I friggen couldn't find the information.

Okay, for those who don't know, it was a law exam so that means open book. Before you go "Ooohhh that's so easssyyy" shut up. It's not. It's friggen hard. Cause I know what the answer is and I know I've read it before but I just don't know where the fuck it is in my 100 pages of notes.

Yeah yeah. It's my fault for leaving it so late and not summarising or annotating my notes properly but cmon. Yeah. So. The problem I had in my exam today is that I read through the fact scenario and for once in my life I was "yep. yep I know this. I got this." listed all the potential issues with the case and then when I went to start writing, I couldn't locate the cases I was thinking of. Fuck me in the anus. It was so annoying. Literally wasted so much time flipping through my notes. Stupid me.

Anyway, other than that - I think I made a decent attempt...it may not have been as detailed as I wanted it to be since I ran out of time but it was a good attempt. I kinda feel like the lack of sleep is making me more relaxed than usual. Maybe I should do my exams sleep deprived from now on loljks.

Have my last exam tomorrow and it's probably going to be the hardest exam this sem. I don't know the content and to be quite honest, I don't really understand this subject. Woe is me. And here I am procrastinating cause I'm lazy. I just want it to be over.

After my exam, I went to the city to have lunch. Sometimes I wonder whether I'm just being used in my relationships with people. Like friend-relationships. I'm not making sense. Friendships. Like I honestly enjoy helping people and listening to peoples issues and problems but sometimes I think I'm a bit underappreciated. They come to me when they need help but when they don't, they throw me aside like I'm rubbish.

Maybe I'm just not the best at judging peoples' character and I just make friends with rubbish people.

I've been really thinking about moving closer to uni. It's really expensive though and kinda lonely cause I don't really know many people who live around there. No one to hang out with. Most people are out west. But it'd be sooooooooo convenient. It's just a matter of me deciding to throw my social life away and dedicate myself to my studies. I've done it before. I don't see why not but a part of me still clings on. The stupid naive needy side of me.

Oh, idk if I've told you. I've been kinda dreaming crazy ideas like moving overseas after graduating. Stuff like going on exchange in my last semester, and then travelling for 6 months around Europe and then getting a graduate job over there and staying there. Crazy? It sounds like fun though. But also very lonely since I'll know absolutely no one there. I told a friend this and he said well, being alone is part of growing up. I felt a little offended cause I felt like he was saying that I needed to grow up and be independent. Take care of myself. I know I'm incredibly dependent on others. I know I always needs to have someone around when I'm stressed or down and happy - I just want to share everything with everyone. Whereas i know there are people who are quite happy to be alone and not need to talk to someone about everything.

That's why I worry about moving overseas alone or something - I'll have no one but myself. Who will I rant to? Who will I cry to? But then the answer should be no one right? Since I should be able to be self-sustaining. No one's going to take care of me but myself. I know that's how it should be siiiggghhhhhhhhhhhhh I'm going around in circles.

I saw something really cute today. Went I was having lunch in the park, I saw an old Asian couple together. The guy was on one knee and taking a photo for the lady while she posed and he was telling her how to pose or stand and stuff. I think that's so cute. Not that he was telling her what to do, don't get triggered but because they were quite old but still doing stuff like going out and taking photos of each other and posing. And I thought, that's something I want. To go on trips or holidays with my old husband (I'll be old too mind you... or maybe I'll get a suga daddi... Yes, papi lol) and get him to take photos of me and take photos together and hold hands while we stroll the beach. LOL But better rake in the munz first before I can do something like that.

I think I'm caring less and less about going back to work. I know i need the money but I feel like there's no purpose in it anymore. I don't enjoy working there. Am I taking this place for granted as well? A year ago I was jobless and struggling and when I got this job I was over the moon. But now I've become comfortable and it's worrying me that I still haven't gotten engineering experience. Sigh sigh sigh. My marks are stellar enough to land me any decent engg jobs. I should really start being the desperate student that I am and cold call or put effort into networking.

Anyway. It's 3:35pm. Probs should get back to studying. One more day and I'll be free. I took the rest of the week off to recoup from the trauma of exam period and to also be lazy cause I cbb to go back to work. But then after that...well... I really hope I don't have to work full time. Good money, but so draining.

But yes. Back to study. It's going to be a LOOONG night. Probs going to be getting the low digit hours of sleep again. Happy days. Maybe I'll have a sleep deprivation high during the exam and ace the test tomorrow. LOL A girl can dream.

kthxbye. Pray4mi.